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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/25557958">I Have Wings</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/sweatersarecomfyy/pseuds/sweatersarecomfyy'>sweatersarecomfyy</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Angst, F/M, Fanfiction, Fluff, Romance</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-07-27</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-07-31</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-05 11:53:49</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>General Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>6</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>9,156</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/25557958</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/sweatersarecomfyy/pseuds/sweatersarecomfyy</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>During Bucky’s time as the Winter Soldier he wasn’t alone. A girl with wings was also the subject of super-soldier testing, unfortunately she never gets to tell Bucky how he feels during their time together. When they meet years later, she remembers him but he doesn’t remember her. Does she tell him what she remembers, or will that affect their growing feelings for each other?</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>James "Bucky" Barnes/Original Female Character(s), James "Bucky" Barnes/Reader, winter soldier/reader</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>2</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>55</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Part 1</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>I have wings.</p><p>I don’t know if I was born with them, I don’t know if they somehow through a random process of events attached themselves to me, I don’t know how I have them, I just know that I am stuck with them. Brown’s, yellows, and different creams are splattered across the feathers in a mosaic of color that should belong to some bird, but they are on my back, reaching out to touch the walls.</p><p>I can fly, I remember that, but I can’t remember anything before this cell, and I don’t know if I’m supposed to. I shouldn’t be here. It’s damp. Not good for my feathers. I can barely spread them all the way out. I’m cold, whoever put me here did not give me very many clothes, and the dilapidated mattress in the corner does not have any blankets. Even if I could somehow spread my wings in this room, my feet are shackled, I wouldn’t make it very far off the ground.</p><p>The men come rattling in here everyday, speaking some other language, or is it my language and I have just forgotten it? Glimpses of my past life come in snippets, but there is nothing concrete enough in there. I hope I didn’t so something bad, I hope that I was a kind person and I am not in this prison because I committed some heinous crime. There is no window or clock in here, so I do not know how much time has passed, but I felt that something different would happen today.</p><p>Three men came into my cell, opening it loudly. Two of the men were holding the third, who I noticed had a metal arm inorganically attached to his shoulder. They shoved him in and then came up to me. I backed away into the corner. The last time one of them had come at me, well, it was obvious that I wasn’t human to him considering what he had done.</p><p>I tried to push him away but he pulled me up by one of my wings and gestured to the metal armed man, speaking in a different language. He brought out a small knife, and cut me across the shoulder.</p><p>I screamed out, and struggled to get away but I wasn’t strong enough. The cut on my arm healed over immediately, leaving a fresh pink scar.</p><p>He pushed me back down onto the bed, I landed awkwardly on my wing, spoke a couple last words to the third man, and then left, locking the cell door behind them.</p><p>The man just stood there, I glanced up at him, and then pushed myself into the corner again, my chains clattering on the hard floor.</p><p>He said something I didn’t understand, but it seemed to be directed at me. I looked up at him, and he must have noticed my confused look, because the next thing he said I understood.</p><p>“Do you speak English?” He asked.</p><p>I looked up at him surprised, “I guess so.”</p><p>He sat down on the corner of the mattress.</p><p>It was silent for a moment, I did not know what to do with this strange visitor, “What were they saying to you?”</p><p>He let out a short breath, “They said I could do whatever I want to you, because you would heal right back up.”</p><p>I sucked in a breath and instinctively puffed the feathers on my wings, “That’s not normal, to heal like that?” I said, almost whispering. Feeling the scar on my shoulder.</p><p>He shook his head. He sat there for what was probably a lot shorter than it felt. My anxiety rose with each moment, wondering what was going to happen next. What was his purpose here.</p><p>He shifted and my feathers puffed out even further even though I was trying to make myself as small as possible in the corner. I felt my breath coming out in small huffs, and unintentional tears in the corners of my eyes.</p><p>He looked at me, his face unreadable, but there was a slight line that could have been his eyebrows furrowing.</p><p>“What are you going to do to me?” My voice was shakier than I wanted it to be, but knowing what this place was capable of, and that with each day their torments only grew worse, I wanted to know what was coming.</p><p>He chuckled, but it was an unhappy sound, “Nothin’, I’ve been, how should I say, misbehaving lately and some of the guys seem to think I need a punching bag, or something, and that will help me behave.”</p><p>This did nothing to calm my nerves, and he could see that, but he didn’t say anything and stared back down at his hands.</p><p>“Why aren’t you wearing any clothes?” He asked after an eternity.</p><p>I felt my face grow warm, and circled my wings around me, “I am wearing clothes. This is what they gave me.”</p><p>He nodded. He was one to talk. He wasn’t even wearing a shirt.</p><p>“Why do you have wings?” He asked.</p><p>“Why do you have a metal arm?” I countered.</p><p>“I don’t remember,” His brow furrowed deeper this time.</p><p>“I don’t either.”</p><p>He looked up at me, his eyes wide. He opened his mouth like he was going to speak, closed it, and then asked, “Have you been to the chair?”</p><p>“They big metal one?”</p><p>He nodded.</p><p>“Yeah,” I nodded back, “That’s the first thing I remember.”</p><p>He seemed to be getting more nervous as the minutes went on. I could see sweat glistening on his brow and he kept wringing his hands, getting gradually more intense.</p><p>“I don’t think, I d-don’t think I’m supposed to talk about it,” He glanced around the room nervously.</p><p>I was worried that he was going to lash out, and despite my curiosity of my fate, which seemed to be heading where he was now, I didn’t ask, “It’s ok. You don’t have to tell me.”</p><p>He was shuddering.</p><p>I made a movement forward and he flinched, just like I had when he moved earlier. He wasn’t used to kindness either.</p><p>He looked me up and down, and something changed in his countenance, “You’re shivering.”</p><p>I had been, the whole time, and try as I might I couldn’t stop it, “You aren’t cold?”</p><p>He shrugged his shoulders and continued to stare at me. I pulled my wings tighter around me, it didn’t do much. My feathers had gotten messy with their lack of regular care, which I presumed I would have done before.  His gaze made me nervous, but not as nervous as when he crawled towards me on the mattress and knelt in front of me.</p><p>I held my breath, “What…?”</p><p>“I can hold you,” He muttered.</p><p>“Um…” I glanced at him nervously.</p><p>“So you don’t get as cold.”</p><p>I nodded.</p><p>He pushed some of the chains out of the way, and I edged towards him. He was awkward, unsure of what to do but he eventually wrapped his arms around me and pulled me flush with his chest, which was weird. Our legs kind of naturally tangled together. I covered our bodies with my free wing.</p><p>“Thank you,” I whispered. His body ran considerably warmer than mine, and my shivering had abated somewhat.</p><p>His body relaxed at the sound of my voice, “It’s good to know that I am still capable of it.”</p><p>“Of what?”</p><p>“Kindness,” He said simply.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Part 2</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>We both fell asleep at some point and it was considerably more restful than the other times I had fallen asleep given the fact that I had a heating source.</p><p>When I woke up, he was staring at me. I gave him a shy smile which he didn’t return, but he didn’t let go of me either. Not that I wanted him to. I stared back at him for a moment as well, taking in his blue eyes that looked as though they had experienced more than his face defined in years.</p><p>“What is your name?” I asked quietly.</p><p>He looked at my lips while I was speaking, “They call me ‘Soldier’.”</p><p>I nodded, “But what is your name?”</p><p>“I don’t remember that either.”</p><p>“Then what should I call you?” I asked quietly.</p><p>He didn’t reply, and he looked like he was lost in his own thoughts.</p><p>“Can I guess?”</p><p>“But I don’t remember.”</p><p>“I know some names, I think, let’s just see if any of them sound familiar.” I suggested.</p><p>He didn’t protest.</p><p>“David?”</p><p>He shook his head.</p><p>“Christopher?”</p><p>He shook again.</p><p>I listed off a couple others, none of which he seemed to like.</p><p>“What about Steven?”</p><p>He opened his mouth slightly, looking into the air.</p><p>“You like that one.”</p><p>He nodded, “Yeah, it’s familiar, but it’s not mine.”</p><p>“Ok, what about John?”</p><p>He shook his head.</p><p>“James?” I suggested finally.</p><p>His expression didn’t change but something flashed in his eyes, and his lip twitched ever so slightly upward, “I think I like that one.”</p><p>I smiled at him, a real one this time, “James it is.”</p><p>“What about you?” He asked.</p><p>I shook my head, “I don’t remember either.”</p><p>He shifted a little, and pulled me closer, “Well I don’t remember any names, but you’ve got wings, just like an angel.”</p><p>I’m sure my expression dropped, because he mirrored it in his expression. “I’m not an angel.” I felt my throat close up “And after what they have done to me, I’m no angel.” I looked away.</p><p>“Hey,” He lifted my chin back up to him, I was surprised at the gentleness, “I’m not going to lie to you,” His voice was serious. “They get in your head here, they’ll say these words, and then, well, you have to do what they say. I don’t remember anything, and then I get these flashes of things that I’ve done, and…” He removed his hand from my face and closed his eyes. “You can’t escape it. They’ve never let me out of the cryochamber for this long. I haven’t been able to make my own choices for years, I think.”</p><p>I stiffened, and he looked at the shocked expression on my face and sighed.</p><p>“What I’m trying to say is, if you can hold on to something, anything that’s not theirs, you may feel, I dunno, more in control.”</p><p>I nodded.</p><p>“Everytime you see me, call me James, OK?” He shifted again and reached his arm further up my back, almost to my wings.</p><p>“Ok.”</p><p>“Can I call you Angel? I know it may not be your original name, but you could take it.”</p><p>I thought for a second and then conceded, “Alright.”</p><p>“I’ll say that to you when I see you.”</p><p>Footsteps started to echo down the hall, and I looked at him with wide eyes.</p><p>“It’s ok, they probably won’t do anything to you this time, they probably need me,” He said calmly.</p><p>“Ok, but won’t they be suspicious if you haven’t beaten me up or something?” I untangled myself from him.</p><p>His face turned a little pink as he sat up, “Um, they weren’t really expecting me to beat you up in that way.”</p><p>Realization dawned on me. So he hadn’t translated everything the guards said when he came in.  I nodded, and crouched back in my corner as the guards unlocked the doors and took him by the arm. He looked around at me as they escorted him out.</p><p>I started shivering again.</p><p>///</p><p>That is how things lasted for a while. I was stuck in a cell, underfed and weak, James would come in and hold me, and we would try to keep each other sane. Often when he came in it looked like he had just gotten back from a battle. His eyes were still that of a soldiers’ and sometimes he wouldn’t recognize me until I said his name several times. His face would soften, and he would collapse onto the mattress with me. He never broke down, but sometimes I would see tears leaking from his eyes when he didn’t think I could notice. He could never really remember fully what had happened in the hours before that.</p><p>“Angel?” He opened his eyes, which at this moment were very close to mine.</p><p>“Yeah?” I replied.</p><p>He opened his mouth and paused a moment, trying to decide how to say something, “I, I heard them talking about you.”</p><p>I stayed still.</p><p>“I heard them say they would be starting soon,” His hand tightened around my waist.</p><p>“Start what?”</p><p>“You know, making you become like me.”</p><p>I nodded, “We both knew that was coming.”</p><p>He shook his head. “I won’t let them do it,” He brought me closer to his chest and he tucked his head over mine, “I’m sorry, I can’t. I can’t let them.”</p><p>I felt tears prick at my eyes. I barely knew him, and yet we were all each other knew. “We don’t have a choice.”</p><p>“I’m going to fight.”</p><p>“James…”</p><p>“No, I’m going to fight them.”</p><p>“James…”</p><p>“NO!” He almost yelled.</p><p>I must have looked shocked, because he gathered himself and then said, “I told you what they do here, I can’t let them do that to you.”</p><p>“You don’t know what they’ve already done to me, what they do, whenever you’re gone.”</p><p>That shut him up. His lips were opened slightly, and he was glancing over my face, almost as if he thought I was lying, “What?”</p><p>Tears were making hot lines down my cheeks, and I looked away from him ashamed of my emotions, “I don’t have a choice, James, and I would rather you not get hurt in the process.”</p><p>He was silent for a moment and then he pulled me, if possible, even closer, and started tracing a calming circle on my back below my wings with his metal hand. With his other hand he brushed away my tears. He had never done this before, and it was as if some old habit from his past self was bleeding through while comforting me.</p><p>Even more surprising, he brushed my hair behind my ears and pressed a lingering kiss to my forehead, and whispered, “I’m so sorry.”</p><p>He was almost a different person.</p><p>I pushed the boundaries and stroked a hand down the scar on his chest. He followed my movement with his eyes and then looked back at me as I wound my arms back around his neck and combed at his hair. I tried smiling at him, just to see if he would mirror me. He did, and it was the most beautiful thing I had ever seen.</p><p>His face inched towards mine, and I leaned in. Our lips were barely touching when footsteps thundered down the stone hall, and a man yelled what seemed to be a chastisement when he saw how close we were.</p><p>“Soldat!” The man yelled again, and James muscles stiffened for a moment. The man continued to yell angry phrases in the other language.</p><p>James replied back. I could see him mustering all his courage not to give into the commands he was being told.</p><p>Three other men came down the hallway and one unlocked the cell, which they all then entered. James carefully unwound himself from me, stood up and then pulled me up with him, standing in front of me as if to shield me from them.</p><p>“What are you doing Soldat?” The blonde man asked scathingly, “You must obey orders.”</p><p>I saw James clench his fist, and shake his head, like he was trying to get something out of it, “You won’t hurt her, I won’t let you,” He growled at him.</p><p>“Oh, we haven’t hurt her, have we dear?” He looked around at me and I wanted to shrink back into my corner.</p><p>James held my hand behind his back, “I’m not going to let you do anything to her, not anymore.”</p><p>The man just laughed, “I should have expected this, we give you a toy, and just because she’s a little pretty, you got all soft.” He strolled closer to James and put his hand behind his back proudly. “You are in no position to protect anyone Soldat, I could make you do things to her that you would never forgive yourself for, worse than anything you’ve ever done. You don’t want that, do you?”</p><p>He froze, and glanced quickly back at me. I was shivering again, and barely keeping myself standing. The blonde man gave a quick command to two of the men who moved toward me and grabbed me by the arms, and pulled me away from him.</p><p>I started using what little strength I had left, trying to flap my wings, and twist my arms to get back to him, but it was no use. “James…”</p><p>He acted quicker than I could think striding to one of the men that was holding me, grabbing him by the throat and lifting him into the air. I watched in amazement as the man turned purple, stopped moving and dropped to the floor.</p><p>The blonde man didn’t even flinch, but the other two men were stock still. James stood and watched as the blonde man pulled out a gun, and pointed it to my head.</p><p>“If you want her to survive, you will be compliant,” He cocked the gun and started saying a string of words in the language I didn’t understand.</p><p>“No!” James said, forcing his hands over his ears.</p><p>He kept saying these words and with each one James shook and breathed heavily until the last one, and then he was still. His hands dropped down to his sides.</p><p>“Ready to comply,” He said in a blank voice.</p><p>His eyes were blank, like they were when he usually came back to the cell.</p><p>“James?” I whispered, but he showed no sign of recognition.</p><p>The blonde man gestured to me, and held out some sort of harness looking thing, “Tie up her wings, we can’t have her flapping around.”</p><p>James took it and I folded up my wings, there was no getting out of this for me. He put it over my wings, and then laced it around my front, tying to tight for comfort. There was still no recognition in his eyes. He grabbed my arm and started following the men as they walked out of the cell.</p><p>“James,” I whispered again and tried to look him in the eye “James, I know you have no control over this.</p><p>“Stop talking,” He ordered.</p><p>“James, I know you’re in there somewhere and I know you have no control over this.”</p><p>He stopped walking and turned towards me, “I told you to stop.”</p><p>I shook my head, “I know you, this isn’t you.”</p><p>Before I could register what was happening, he had slapped me across the face and twisted my arm until I was in a kneeling position. “Comply,” He ordered.</p><p>Tears sprang to my eyes as I looked at his face looming over me. I shook my head again. “Someday, somewhere, you’re going to remember this,” He twisted my arm and I let out a pained moan, but kept talking “You have to know, that I forgive you.”</p><p>He blinked at me, but didn’t do anything.</p><p>“I love you James,” I said, squinting at the pain, trying to breath through it.</p><p>He paid no heed to my words but pulled me up roughly and kept marching down the hall.</p><p>We came to a room with the blonde man and a couple others who were wearing long white coats. There was a table in the middle of the room with restraints. It was for me.</p><p>I don’t remember a lot of what happened from the weeks that they programmed me. I was attached to that table as they gave me the serum that made my previously atrophied muscles regain their shape, and some of my feathers to become a dark black instead of their previous warm colors.  I went from medical tables to chairs full of electricity, to training rooms, and some stuff I don’t even remember. I don’t really want to remember. When I came out the other end they could say a string of words and I would do whatever they said. But it wasn’t like what James said, where he couldn’t remember everything. It was like I was stuck in the backseat of my own body, where neither my actions nor my words were my own, but they were. I had to make choices, to react, but if I tried to disobey, I couldn’t.</p><p>I was their newest soldier. To train, they pitted me against James, who still had no recollection of me. I saw my reflection in some glass. My eyes were dull, and my face was set in a flat, obedient stare. I held off for as long as I could, but I remembered James and as soon as they put a gun to his head and threatened to shoot him if I didn’t fight it wasn’t my obedience that overtook me, but my feelings.</p><p>The handlers thought of it as sport. They would make bets on who would win. The girl with the wings, or the man with the metal arm. They laughed, and jeered. Whoever lost was pinned down, and the winner had to give them a deep cut on their side. Tally marks. I heal quickly, but the scars never go away. I have seven tally marks on my side from the seven times I lost.</p><p>Working alongside the Winter Soldier, with our agencies taken from us, we did unspeakable things that shaped the world. Please don’t make me confess them.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. Part 3</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>He doesn’t remember me, even now, all these years later. The words are gone from our minds, no one can control us anymore, but he still doesn’t remember me. I remember fighting against him. Steve ripped off his mask, and there he was, my James.</p><p>“Bucky?” Steve questioned.</p><p>“James!” I yelled.</p><p>He glanced back and forth between us, “Who the hell is Bucky?”</p><p>When they first brought him in to live in the compound with us, I stood off to the side. He glanced in my direction, I hoped it was a sign of recognition, so I gave a small wave, but he just walked by. He kept to himself for a bit, but eventually started socializing and talking with the other Avengers. He was even friendly with me. But he still didn’t remember me. Maybe it was for the best. Those memories were painful.</p><p>I was sitting at the kitchen bar one day, eating an afternoon ice cream when I heard a noise behind me and jumped. My feathers puffed up instinctively.</p><p>“Sorry, didn’t mean to scare ya,” It was James.</p><p>I felt the heat rise to my face and laughed, “Don’t worry about the wings, they kinda just do their own thing.”</p><p>He smiled. It was so amazing to see him smile. His eyes were sparkling even with the weight of his past behind them, and he laughed too. I almost cried I was so happy seeing him happy.</p><p>I smiled back.</p><p>“You want to share some of that ice cream?” He pointed at my carton.</p><p>“Not really,” I snickered. “But I’ll make an exception for you,” I whispered playfully.</p><p>He grabbed a spoon and sat next to me, digging in.</p><p>“This is good stuff. They did not have this way back when.”</p><p>I nodded, taking another spoonful.</p><p>He was silent for a moment, but then he turned to me sincerely, “Steve tells me that you knew me.”</p><p>I looked from him back down to the ice cream, watching it melt along the edges.</p><p>“And you said my name to me, you know, during the fight,” He leaned forward, trying to look me in the eyes, “Is that true.”</p><p>I nodded down at my ice cream.</p><p>“So you must have known me before Hydra, ‘cause you knew my name.”</p><p>I looked at him, and shook my head. I hadn’t divulged too many secrets of my past to the group. Fury knew enough to trust me, and the rest knew little enough to still be my friend.</p><p>He looked a little pained, like he was worried that he was somehow hurting my feelings, “I’m really sorry Angel.”</p><p>I smiled what I hoped looked like a sincere smile, “Do you remember everything from your time as the Soldier?”</p><p>“No,” He furrowed his brow, “A lot of it though. I remember a lot of the things I did and…” He sighed. “Well I’m learning to make peace with it.” He smiled sadly and stared into space. “Wish I did remember you though,” He gave me confident smirk.</p><p>I’m sure I blushed despite the somberness of this strange conversation.</p><p>It was silent for a moment as we each took a couple spoonfulls of ice cream each.</p><p>“James?”</p><p>“Yeah?”</p><p>I flapped my wings nervously, reveling in their freedom while remembering my captivity. “It might be best if you don’t remember me.”</p><p>He looked away sadly.</p><p>“But…” I continued, and his face looked hopeful “Can we, you know, try to be friends, and know each other now?” I asked, my heart beating.</p><p>His face broke into the widest smile I had ever seen, “I’d love that.”</p><p>I smiled back at him.</p><p>“So where do we start?” He said getting off the stool.</p><p>///</p><p>What followed was the best couple months of my life. When we weren’t training, we spent a lot of time together, not all our time, but quite an amount. I showed him my favorite shows, he had me listen to some of his music from way back when. He even taught me how to dance. It was easy to see that we had become the best of friends. It was comfortable, it was amazing. He was so happy, and after knowing him at his saddest point in life, I never wanted to see him sad again. I tried to stay away from my past in conversation as much as possible.</p><p>“Can I touch them?” He asked. We were sitting on the couch, watching some random movie we had picked out, but it wasn’t interesting either of us very much. He gestured to my wings.</p><p>At first, I didn’t know how to react. Usually people just touched my wings without permission, figuring that I wouldn’t be able to feel it. I nodded and faced away from him so that my wings were closer to him, I usually didn’t mind people touching them, after all,  having wings is a unique experience.</p><p>He set a soft hand on one of them and stroked downwards, his brow furrowed as he examined each and every feather, a small smile played at his lips.</p><p>“What?” I asked.</p><p>He shook his head, “Nothin, it’s just,” He stroked down again, “How do you take care of them, is there extra stuff you have to do?”</p><p>I giggled, it was such an innocent question, “Yeah” I turned back toward him, and brought another part of my wing around so that I could reach it, “I do what other birds do.”</p><p>He smiled, “You’re not a bird.”</p><p>I shrugged my shoulders, laughing softly, “They have beaks, and they can preen their feathers with that. Basically, they just have to work the oil into their feathers, to waterproof them and keep them zipped and everything.”</p><p>“Zipped?” He questioned.</p><p>“Mmhmm” I nodded and found a feather that was looking a little scraggly, “When I brush up against things, or fly, or whatever, some of the barbs will come unhooked and I just have to get them back together.” I ran my fingers over the feather to show him how to zip it back up, “I can do it myself in a cinch, but Tony also made me a special tool, and Bruce made me some waterproof spray stuff in case I need to fly in a storm, ‘cause, you know, we’re crazy here.”</p><p>He laughed, “Can I try?” He asked.</p><p>“Sure,” I pointed out another feather he could try. No one had ever done that to me before, and it was a strange sensation, almost like when someone else brushes your hair, but in a nice way. A shiver went up my spine, and I guess he saw it.</p><p>He grimaced “Sorry,” He took his hand away.</p><p>“No, no, it’s not that,” I reached out and grabbed his hand again, “It’s just new, unexpected.” I looked down at the hand I was holding, it was the mechanical one.</p><p>He saw me looking at it and tried to draw it away again, but I held on.</p><p>“Hey,” I smiled at him, “You got to touch my wings.”</p><p>His smile was more subdued, “Yeah, but your wings are nice, and soft, and my arm is…</p><p>“Beautiful,” I finished for him as I examined it more closely.</p><p>His face immediately turned pink and he started stuttering out something.</p><p>“James,” He looked at me, and I laced my fingers through his metal ones, “My wings were used to the same purpose as your arm, and I know it is a bit different, but it is a part of you now, even if you don’t want it to be.”</p><p>He looked down and nodded.</p><p>“I think it is beautiful, I really do.”</p><p>“You do?” He was still looking down.</p><p>“Yeah.”</p><p>He looked up at me and smiled. That smile always made my heart race and my stomach to lurch like I was falling. I had been in love with him for so long, but I didn’t want to push it, even though I could feel he was falling for me too, “What was it like?” He asked suddenly</p><p>“What was what like?”</p><p>“Hydra, and before that, your past?”</p><p>I shook my head, “I don’t remember my past before Hydra.” My heart was immeasurably conflicted with wanting him to remember me, and everything that I had done, and wanting a fresh start with him. But I decided to stay silent on the matter, anxious that any outcome with him remembering who I was would result in our friendship breaking.</p><p>“Oh,” he replied simply, I could tell he wanted to ask more, but I turned away and continued to watch the movie, leaning my head on his shoulder.</p><p>He put his arm around me, and I kept holding his hand. He started to stroke the top of my wing gently. Again, I experienced something new, as he stroked my eyes grew heavy, I couldn’t fight it, and eventually my brain grew hazy and I felt my head slump onto his stomach as my body gave into sleep. I felt him chuckle softly right before I lost all consciousness.</p>
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<a name="section0004"><h2>4. Part 4</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“Tell me.”</p><p>“No.”</p><p>“Tell me,” He insisted</p><p>“NO,” I said, leaning against the counter and folding my arms.</p><p>He mirrored me, looked me in the eyes, and gave an over-dramatic sigh, “If you don’t tell me the secret ingredient, I’m going to tell Sam about your little weakness.”</p><p>“I have no weaknesses,” I narrowed my eyes at him.</p><p>“Oh really, because as I recall there is a certain trick one can do to make a bird fall asleep.”</p><p>I tried to look as ominous and scary as possible, going as far as to puff out my feathers, but his expression didn’t change, we were caught in a face-off.</p><p>“You wouldn’t dare.”</p><p>“Wouldn’t I?” He smirked.</p><p>We stared at each-other for another second and then he gave another over-dramatic sigh and unfolded his arms.</p><p>“Alright, I’m going to go tell Sam,” He started walking towards the door.</p><p>I watched him walk, sure he was going to chicken out and turn around, but he didn’t.</p><p>“Wait!”</p><p>He turned around, his smirk getting more defined.</p><p>I huffed out a frustrated breath, “Fine.”</p><p>He raised his eyebrow expectantly.</p><p>“But it’s not a secret ingredient. It’s more like a secret process.”</p><p>“And?” He still stood by the door-frame.</p><p>I rolled my eyes, “I’ll teach you, okay? I’ll teach you.”</p><p>He clenched his fist in victory and jumped towards me.</p><p>“What?”</p><p>“Well, show me.”</p><p>“Now?”</p><p>“Yes now.”</p><p>I rolled my eyes again, but smiled at his antics nonetheless. I directed him to get some ingredients from the cupboard while I set up the mixer, and switched my music onto shuffle. A couple minutes later we were chatting away while mixing up the ingredients.</p><p>“You’re sure we put these in before?” James said, looking at the bag of chocolate chips.</p><p>“Yeah.”</p><p>“You’re sure?” He teased.</p><p>I grabbed them from him, “Yes. If you put them in after the flour mixture it will over-mix.”</p><p>He grabbed them back from me, split it open, and took a rather generous serving.</p><p>“Hey!”</p><p>“What?” He looked at me with feigned innocence, “Isn’t this part of the process?” He plopped them in his mouth.</p><p>I shook my head, laughing, and poured the rest of the chocolate into the mixer before he ate any more, “I suppose you will want to eat the dough too?”</p><p>“Duh.”</p><p>I pushed him in the shoulder, which ended up with him pushing me back, and then getting into a small pushing war that escalated as time went on before Sam walked in.</p><p>“Whacha’ doin’?” He said, looking at us knowingly.</p><p>James blushed, “Nothin’”</p><p>“Uh huh,” Sam kept walking.</p><p>Once he left we both broke into fits of giggles as the last of the flour was incorporating itself into the wet mixture. We both quieted down as we started scooping out the dough and rolling them into balls to put into the freezer. I was looking down at my hands, but I kept seeing him steal glances at me out of the corner of my eye. I smiled down at the chocolate chips.</p><p>“This recipe is unnecessarily complicated.”</p><p>“You’re unnecessarily complicated,” I retorted rather immaturely.</p><p>He snorted, “Well I guess that’s how you get good cookies.”</p><p>“Don’t flatter yourself.”</p><p>He thought for a second, “Weren’t you technically flattering me?”</p><p>I flicked a piece of dough at him and he made a sound of amused indignation.</p><p>“Where did you learn how to do this?” He asked, sounding amazed as he looked at the cookies.</p><p>I thought for a second, and the light happy feeling started to fade as I tried to think to back before everything had happened to me, happened to us. There was some sort of block. I just didn’t know where I had come from. My heart started to hurt again, but I hid it to the best of my ability. One of my first memories was of him, and I didn’t want to tell him that.</p><p>The first few guitar notes of one of my favorite songs started playing over the speakers and I smiled.</p><p>There are days</p><p>I wake up and I pinch myself</p><p>You’re with me not someone else.</p><p>He was staring at me, I don’t know how much of my thought process he could see, but he definitely saw the smile when the song started.</p><p>And I’m scared, yeah I’m still scared</p><p>That it’s all a dream.</p><p>“Let’s dance,” He held out his hand to me.</p><p>My eyes snapped up to his, and I took his hand tentatively. His hands found themselves on my hips and I circled mine up around his neck. He didn’t want to seem to do any of the things he taught me, but just to be close to me, swaying back and forth.</p><p>‘Cause you still look perfect as days go by<br/>Even the worst ones, you make me smile<br/>I’d stop the world if it gave us time</p><p>He brought his forehead to mine, but didn’t look me in the eye, still just seeming like he wanted to be closer. I could feel his gentle breaths lift wisps of my hair.</p><p>'Cause when you love someone<br/>You open up your heart<br/>When you love someone<br/>You make room<br/>If you love someone<br/>And you’re not afraid to lose 'em<br/>You’ll probably never love someone like I do<br/>You’ll probably never love someone like I do</p><p>Nearing the end of the song, we were literally dancing cheek to cheek. I closed my eyes, savoring our closeness, and felt as his grip on me tightened, bringing me closer to him. He sang the last verse of the song quietly into my ear along with the music.</p><p>“All my life<br/>I thought it’d be hard to find<br/>The one 'til I found you<br/>And I find it bittersweet<br/>'Cause you gave me something to lose”</p><p>           When he had whispered the last word of the chorus he stopped and pulled me close, wrapping his arms around me in a tight hug. He didn’t see the tears that clung to my eyes, partially from happiness, and partially because of the conflict that was going on within my brain.</p><p>           “Can I ask you something?”</p><p>I nodded into his chest.</p><p>“Were we something, you know, before?”</p><p>I stiffened and pulled back slightly, not knowing what to do.</p><p>He looked at me longingly, and slightly hurt, it was almost enough to make me give in.</p><p>“James,” I took my hand off his shoulder “I…”</p><p>He caught my hand in his, “You know you can tell me anything.”</p><p>I looked down at our hands.</p><p>“Hey,” he lifted my chin back up to gaze into his eyes, “You’ve gotta know how I feel about you by now, I just want to know what happened.”</p><p>My vision grew blurry as the tears became real. I looked away from him blinking, “I don’t know James, I don’t know if it’s a good idea.”</p><p>“Why?” He stepped back.</p><p>“Can’t you just see me in the now? What if I don’t want you to know that version of me?”</p><p>He let go of my hand, “But you knew me back then. Is that really fair?”</p><p>“Nothing that happened to us was fair,” I shook my head and folded my arms tightly over my chest.</p><p>He stood, watching me.</p><p>I shook my head again, “It’s in the past.”</p><p>“I can’t make peace with my past until I know what my past is,” He was frustrated now, his voice raised slightly. He looked away and then slowly turned towards me again, “Is this because of something I did in that time? Is that why you’re not telling me?”</p><p>He looked scared. “I don’t understand,” I replied.</p><p>“Are you scared of me?” He looked betrayed and took another step back.</p><p>I paused, trying to understand what he meant, and he must have taken that for an answer. “No, James, it wasn’t like…”</p><p>He scoffed.</p><p>“James…” I took a couple steps toward him, reaching out, but he just stepped back again. “I could never,” Tears were streaming down my cheeks again, “Please, please don’t do this.”</p><p>He looked at me sadly and I saw a tear roll down his cheek as well. “I love you Angel, I don’t want you to be scared of me.”</p><p>I sucked in a breath at this proclamation.</p><p>“But I need to know what happened,” He continued.</p><p>I opened my mouth but was interrupted by Fury coming into the room, who didn’t seem to see what was happening, “Angel, we need you for a mission.”</p><p>I didn’t move, but continued to look at James, hoping Fury would get the message. He looked back and forth between the two of us, and then back at me.</p><p>“Immediately,” He said authoritatively, “Anything else can be taken care of when we get back.”</p><p>When I still didn’t move he sighed and urged me, “We leave in 15 minutes, go get your bag.”</p><p>I nodded and he left.</p><p>“If you put the frozen dough in for 8 minutes at 350 degrees they’ll be the way you like them.”</p><p>James opened his mouth like he was going to say something, but I was already walking out of the room, trying to wipe my eyes and stifle the sobs that were making their way up my throat every couple of seconds.</p>
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<a name="section0005"><h2>5. Part 5</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The mission went fine. Nothing really exciting happened at first. It was mostly surveillance and when we found the weak link involved in the terrorist group, he gave up really easily when he saw that members of the Avengers had come after him. After that it was just a matter of arresting the rest of them. It was long though. I had a lot of time to think. Too much time. Just sitting on a rooftop.</p><p>Every few minutes James’s face would pop into my head. His smile, his eyes, his face the last time I saw him. I cringed every time I thought about it. Back when I first met him, I was weak, I was abused, and I wanted him to see me as I was now. I was strong. I had hurt him when we were pitted against each other, and then there was what he would feel if he remembered what had happened. He was already having a hard time dealing with the guilt of all the other stuff he did, if he knew that he had been forced to hurt me would he hide himself? Would he stop talking to me? I didn’t know.</p><p>But if I didn’t tell him, would he keep looking at me the way he had done last time I saw him. Scared, ashamed, and hurt? There didn’t seem to be a right answer to this and I don’t know if I wanted to test it either way. Maybe if I had told him about our past when we first met it would have been different, but then maybe he would have never gotten close to me. I stood by my decision not to do that. I wouldn’t give up the past couple months for anything. Maybe if we had met in a different life where we hadn’t been the playthings of Hydra, things would be going along like a regular relationship. We would fight about dishes, or movies, or socks on the floor, and not some weird repressed memories. But that couldn’t happen, this is my reality.</p><p>“Angel, the contact is heading into the warehouse, do you see him?” I heard Sam through the com.</p><p>I looked across the street to see the man walking towards the warehouse, “I see him.”</p><p>“Move in, we need to get a look in one of the windows.”</p><p>I did a running leap off the roof and glided silently down onto the roof of the warehouse. I walked lightly across the roof, careful not to make a sound and looked around the outer edges to see if there was a window accessible to me. All the windows were small, and there was no sort of ledge, and I figured it would be pretty obvious if a girl with wings started flapping around outside.</p><p>“Sam, window’s a no-go, I’m gonna sneak in.”</p><p>“Careful Angel, give confirmation if you see the leader, if you don’t, get out of there.” He said urgently.</p><p>“I remember the briefing bird-brain,” I quipped.</p><p>He didn’t reply.</p><p>I got out my lockpick and quietly opened up the door on the roof, and half walked, half floated down the stairs. My wings were a lot quieter than Sam’s. There was a sort of catwalk all around the perimeter of the open space, very open, open enough that if I had decided to barge right out there they would have seen a shocked bird-person and shot her, me. Luckily none of them were looking up, and there were shadows, and a kind of pole thing that was not big enough to hid behind but definitely obstructed about half of their views of me.</p><p>I spotted the leader and was about to tell Sam when I realized my position. If I spoke, even softly, they might hear me. There were ten of them, and one of me, and I really needed the three heroes outside who were much better at incapacitating the enemies. Spiderman, Antman, and the bird brain. They would be here seconds after I spoke, but would it be enough? They had some really fancy weapons after all.</p><p>I took in a quiet, deep breath, and spoke as softly as possible. “He’s here, move in,” And just as I thought my feint whisper carried across the echoey warehouse.</p><p>The ten men immediately got into action as they yelled to each other and grabbed some menacing looking guns from the crates next to them. I ran along the catwalk, parts of it melting behind me as they missed literally all their shots. Either they were really bad at aiming or I was just faster than I thought.</p><p>I tripped as the walkway started giving way, and nearly got hit, and also realized they hadn’t just been aiming for me, but wanted me to get down. I saw the heroes burst in, Peter shooting webs, Scott doing whatever to make the bad guys beat themselves up, and Sam shooting up a storm. I smiled, and glided down to join the fray. While some of the men had already been knocked out or stuck to the wall with webs, I saw the leader grab a briefcase and run out the building.</p><p>I ran after him to be impeded by another guy who I took down with a couple punches. I upped my speed taking some flying hops as I got through the door, not far away from the leader.</p><p>He heard me and turned around, pointing his gun up in the air where I was hovering. He took a shot and missed, and then I went diving down at him. It was generally the easiest way to take people down because no one really expects a person to use their own body, going faster than gravity, to pummel down at them.</p><p>I felt a sharp pain in my side, he had hit me, and then I collided into him and the ground. Thanks to my fast healing powers, the ground didn’t really affect me. His gunshot, however, seemed to be something different than I was used to. It wasn’t healing straight away. He was knocked out though, and it seems like the rest of the people had been apprehended because I saw my friends running toward me.</p><p>“Did you body slam someone again?” Sam asked exasperatedly</p><p>“Yeah, you know me,” I smiled weakly, clutching my side.  </p><p>Sam got busy pulling up the guy I knocked out while Peter and Scott stood by me. I grunted, trying to take a step forward and stumbling slightly.</p><p>“Woah,” Peter rushed up next to me, “Are you alright?”</p><p>“It’s not healing,” I removed my hand and saw blood.</p><p>“Dude,” I saw his eyes widen and he grabbed my shoulder to steady me. He looked a little closer, his face tensing slightly, “It looks kinda bad, why aren’t you healing?”</p><p>“His gun,” I was in a lot of pain, used to healing so quickly, “I think it might have been different.” I put my arm around Peter and he supported my weight.</p><p>“Let’s get you back to the jet,” He said, walking alongside me.</p>
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<a name="section0006"><h2>6. Part 6</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>With the aid of Peter I got back to the jet, and was able to bandage myself up. It was healing, the mark had gotten considerably less open about 30 mins into the ride, it was just a lot slower than normal. It was going to be quite a large scar. I wasn’t used to being afraid of dying, because nothing had been able to kill me before, this wound scared me though. What if he had shot me a couple more times where it really mattered? Would there be any coming back from that? I’m sure Stark would figure out the guns, or whatever. It was scary.</p><p>And of course, I thought of James.</p><p>What if our last encounter really had been our last?</p><p>I needed to tell him, even if it meant losing him. My heart beat faster as I walked to my room, trying not to imagine James’ reaction to all the things we had done that he didn’t remember. Once I got inside, I sat gingerly on the corner of my bed, and took off my shirt so I could access the massive bandage around my middle. I needed to see if it was healing.</p><p>I unwrapped the cloth and then started lifting the tape when my door flew open and slammed into the wall. I jumped and immediately got into battle stance, until I saw it was James.</p><p>He looked me up and down and then his eyes settled on the blood-soaked bandage. He walked angrily up to me and gestured at the bandage “Do you have any sense of self-preservation?” He yelled.</p><p>“James, I…” I had never really heard him yell before</p><p>“Seriously, Angel, you’re not indestructible.”</p><p>“James.”</p><p>“What were you thinking?” He yelled and then started pacing back and forth.</p><p>I sighed and tore off the bandage. The wound was still there but it had shrunk to the size of an apple. It wasn’t bleeding anymore, but was starting to scar.</p><p>“James look!”</p><p>He stopped his pacing and turned towards me.</p><p>“I’m fine.”</p><p>By taking off the bandage I also exposed the scars from Hydra, from him. He looked at them curiously.</p><p>“I’m really sorry James, about our fight.”</p><p>He took a step towards me, still looking at my middle and all the scars.</p><p>I watched him slowly move towards me, not looking at my eyes but in a sort of reverie, but he didn’t respond.</p><p>“I just didn’t want you to hate me, but I’ve decided that I should tell you. Even if you do hate me,” I finished.</p><p>He nodded.</p><p>He was close now and he reached out his hand and gently touched the seven tally marks on my side. I let him.</p><p>“James?” He still seemed to be in a reverie.</p><p>He lifted up his own shirt and touched the three tally marks on his side.</p><p>He touched my scar again and whispered softly, “I did this to you.”</p><p>“What?”</p><p>He looked me in the eye this time and I saw tears start to spill out, “I did this to you, didn’t I?”</p><p>I gulped and nodded, “But it wasn’t your fault.”</p><p>I could see him starting to shake from the awakening of those memories and I grabbed his arms to steady them, and tried to guide him down to sit on the bed with me. I ended up sitting while he collapsed to his knees, sobbing now.</p><p>“Hey,” I leaned down, trying to see his face, to tell him what was happening.</p><p>He shook his head and wrapped his arms around my middle so his head was someone near my navel. He sat there for a couple minutes sobbing into my middle, me trying to comfort him.</p><p>“I hurt you,” He said. The sobbing had subsided, but there were still tears streaming down my face.</p><p>“I hurt you too,” I said back.</p><p>“It’s not the same,” He distanced himself, but he grabbed hold of my hands, “You were just defending yourself.”</p><p>“So were you,” I shook my head with a wry laugh, I felt myself starting to cry too “Nothing that happened there was…” I sniffed, “It wasn’t your fault James.”</p><p>“I understand now.”</p><p>“Understand what?”</p><p>“Why you didn’t want to tell me what happened,” He wiped his face on his sleeve, “But I still wish you had.”</p><p>I nodded, “I’m really sorry.”</p><p>He shook his head, “I’m the one that should be apologizing to you.” A disgusted look came across his face and he broke all physical contact with me, “I keep getting images of what happened, it’s unforgivable.” He wrapped his arms around himself as if he was afraid he would hurt something.</p><p>“James,” I said. He looked up on me, choking on tears, I knelt down next to him and grasped his head so that he would look me in the eyes, “Do you remember when we first met?”</p><p>“James,” I said. He looked up on me, choking on tears</p><p>His eyes got a glazed look as he tried to remember, “You were so small.”</p><p>I nodded, “Yeah,” I said quietly and stroked his head.</p><p>“They had you chained up, they said...” He paused, “they said I could do whatever I wanted with you,” He frowned, “But I didn’t, of course I didn’t”</p><p>I pulled myself into his lap and his posture immediately stiffened, but I wanted him to know that I trusted him, wholly and completely. He was still kind of dazed and there were tears running down his face. I clasped his metal hand in mine and used my other hand to wipe away the tears.</p><p>He looked me in the eyes, “When I was with you, I was almost myself. You gave me back my name,” He gave a sad half smile. “The only refuge from what they were doing to me all those years was you, and they took you away again,” He slid his hand out of mine and wrapped them around my waist to draw me closer, I could feel his breath on my neck and he breathed deeply, no longer crying, “I’m so sorry Angel, how can you, you shouldn’t...be with me.”</p><p>I pushed away from him so he could see the look on my face, and I kissed him. I had never kissed anyone before but I put as much feeling into as I could, not letting go as his surprised mind flinched back, and waited until he kissed me back, falling into rhythm with me. He pulled me impossibly close, holding me so tight it almost cut off my breath, and when we did break away, breathless, he looked very confused.</p><p>“Um-” he started</p><p>“Don’t you remember?” I said, my hand combing through his hair, “The day they started on me, what I said to you?”</p><p>He blinked, “You forgave me.”</p><p>I nodded.</p><p>“You loved me?” He said “I-uh, I-”</p><p>“I loved you then, and I love you now.”</p><p>He shook his head, “I don’t deserve it.”</p><p>“Well whether you do or not does not change the way that I feel.”</p><p>The corner of his mouth twitched up and he just stared at me, his eyes flitting around my face, and settling on my lips.</p><p>I felt my heart start beating faster, not really knowing what was happening</p><p>“I remember you Angel.”</p><p>“I gathered as much,” I said confused.</p><p>“I remember you, and I don’t hate you.” He cupped my cheek with his hand and I leaned into it, “I could never hate you, Angel, I love you.”</p><p>I felt tears, happy ones, start to leak down my cheeks, “I love you James, I love you so much.” I hugged him as close and as tight as I could. I never wanted to let go.</p><p>THE END</p><p>A/N: Thank you for reading. Let me know what you think, this is my first series on here. Bucky is the best!</p>
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